View, points of



Dear Ann Summers,


Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh WHY oh why oh why oh why oh why oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh WHYWHYWHYWHYohwhyohwhyohwhy oh why oh why oh why


oh


why







oh














why

Anthea Turner?



Yours sincerely, the entire British public ever from 1066AD onwards, as evidenced by this Saxon scroll found near Wapping earlier this year:


'Ande loe, itte was writtenne inne thae propheciese offe Blind Lemonne Murgatroyde thatte inne the dayes toe comme there woulde bae muche paine ande sufferage atte thae handes offe ae woemane knowene asse Anthaeae offe thae Turner...ande thatte shae woulde caste thae faetes offe menne asse iffe numberede balles inne ae large plasticke thinghie, ande haffe tediouse "celebritiese" uponne herre "showe"...'


The great author Jane Austen also saw fit to comment upon this ghastly turn of events, as seen in her seminal work (surely "semenal", ie. a pile of toss - Ed.) "Whoops there goes my handkerchief Mrs. Jenkins, better pick it up before I am thought of as behaving in a manner unbecoming to a lady of my social standing":


'Our goodly housekeeper, Mrs. Throckmorton, took it upon herself to inform us that our presence would be required at the oh I can't be bothered with this. I mean, Jane Austen is just a writer who defies parody, isn't she? If I really wanted to take the runny stuff I'd have to sit here for hours writing a load of boring twaddle about gavottes and houses in the country and oh Mr. Darcy what will the Willoughbies say? There aren't even any good joke opportunities in it. Pile of pish, every word. I mean, subtle humour is all very well but too much of a good thing, eh? Come on Jane, let's have a bit more slapstick in your next one, eh? Custard pies and car chases and all that good old Keystone cops type stuff. At the very least have something HAPPEN for the sake of my excessively giddy aunt. Woncha? Oh go on, be a sport?!?!!? (Useless blether continued p96)